Over it.

Hiking up the narrows with the other thousands.

Felicity was taking this photo. J/k... she's asleep in the pack with her head down. 

Together as a family!!

Dad's gone. Tears on. 

This was waaaayyy scarier than it looks. 

Tuachan Theater watching "Peter Pan." Liesel was so excited as you can tell... and she wanted to wear her pajamas, haha! 

Allison and Mike married!! Yay!

Seeing Brian was great. We arrived in true ghetto style with our dirty car and sweaty faces.  I've noticed every time he's around that I find myself laughing so much. I rarely laugh when he's not here, but I'm ALWAYS laughing when he's around. And it usually something weird I've said or done that get's us both going and it makes everything seem light again. This time, as he was cleaning out the dirty car for me, he came across my keys. Then he found another set of keys with my church key and Prius key. Then he found another set of keys with my Honda key that I blamed on the kids for losing months ago. He came down with my three sets of keys and as I'm typing this it doesn't sound that funny, but at the time I couldn't stop. He combined all my keys, made sure they were facing the same way and that they felt good in one's hand. All things that have never crossed my mind. But this little gesture made me feel taken care of and it was a good feeling. 

We swam in the pool at the Airbnb house we were at. It had a zipline to the pool and a high dive. We ended up passing hours there every afternoon during F's nap time. Zion was great. It was great not to drive and to have another adult to talk to. It was so nice just to be us again. We went to Chuck-A-Rama that night and I finally learned that I've never been missing anything. But the kids declared it, "the best day ever!" and were over the moon happy. We chose it because it was Mike's favorite and we were meeting him for the first time. Overall, it was great. The next day Brian left for Mississippi again. The next two days were passed talking to Brian's family and playing at the pool. It was actually wonderful to be able to be with them and reconnect. I loved it. I married into a great family. 

I was on the verge of crying several times in St. George. Hannah got so angry at me the day we were leaving because Felicity was SOO thirsty and I needed to give her a drink but I only had Hannah's water bottle. I had to hold her back to give Felicity a drink, which sent H into a rage. You don't restrain Hannah. It was full-blown "Mommy you da worst mommy ever and you are MEAN!!!!!! I"m going to punch you in da head!" Etc etc. Brian's two aunts and uncles were there and I was feeling embarrassed. None of the kids were listening and they were so angry and tired. I was trying to get everyone looking nice for the wedding, trying to pack up the house and get everything in the car without sweating too much since I was about to go to the wedding and clean the house that we were staying in. It was a disaster and I had tears on the edge of my eyes the entire time. But we made it. I didn't run the errands before that I needed to because I was too tired of constantly buckling and unbuckling the kids and trying to herd them through the store.

The WEDDING. It was beautiful. Once I was at the temple I felt peace. It was beautiful, bright and cool inside the sealing room. Allison looked so radiant and fresh. Mike looked assertive, younger and more handsome. I felt the Spirit during the ceremony. I liked that the sealer said that there is no church in heaven and that the church doesn't save us, the ordinances do. I felt for a second that I could see layers peeling away and it was just me on the path to Christ and the ordinances were the gates I needed to pass through to reach him. It suddenly made my path and my goal seem more simple, clear and individual. I was grateful for that little piece of revelation to ponder.


 I had a dream last night. And it fit me like a glove... Ok, just kidding. 7th grade radiohead reference I believe. Anyway, I really did have a dream and it's not the inspiring MLK kind:

I was on top of building. The building was on an island with nothing else around but endless ocean. The only way to get off the building was to jump into a pool that was three feet deep but I was 50-100ft up and knew if I jumped, I would die or break every bone in my body. I searched for another way off the building and found a ladder, but it only went down part way and then stopped. I was stuck and Brian and Sarah were telling me I needed to jump. I was getting more and more anxious and terrified until I was in a full-blown panic. That's when my eyes opened and I saw the window and my bed and realized it wasn't real. It's not real, but it is how my insides feel right now.