that's crazy.

It's bedtime. My bedtime. The kids are all sleeping in their beds and the night air feels cool blowing in from window.

Last night was family night. I tried to talk about speaking kindly. Got this idea from the internet to squeeze toothpaste in a bowl and then ask the kids to get the toothpaste back in but obviously they can't. It's supposed to teach about how we can't take unkind words back when we say them. Well, I left the bowl on the sofa. Felicity (who normally loves sucking on the top of the toothpaste tube) found the bowl. Most likely while I was begging the kids to listen to my super-awesome lesson. She started screaming after scooping up a giant handful and eating it. Toothpaste= not so pleasant in large doses. I quickly tried to rinse her mouth/hands/face off while the kids and I laughed about Felicity eating all of our bad and unkind words. Then I noticed the sofa covered in toothpaste...

Lots of semi-failed attempts lately. I take a lot of comfort in what was said last conference about getting the credit for just trying. Speaking of which, the soup I made for dinner was so gross after two meals of me choking it down too, I finally dumped it in the chicken coop. Note to self: don't put green beans, stewed tomatoes and orzo pasta in the same soup. With a bunch of random spices. I had to hold back laughter as the kids literally forced it down.

I feel stressed about Hannah. She eats a lot. Like, way more than a three-year-old should. She doesn't seem to have much of an off-button. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give her eating issues for the rest of her life, but I don't want her to overeat either. Childhood obesity is real. I feel like it's my fault. I don't know what to do, but my kids have weird eating issues. Like, kind of obsessed with food and will do anything to get treats. I know that I shouldn't use food as a motivator, but I often do because it's the only thing that works. And now I'm messing my kids up for life.

Shot a wedding today at Delicate. I always come home happy that it's over and kind of worn out. I like doing it, but there is always a release when I get back home again. This one was particularly difficult because I had to wake the kids at 5:45am and get them all ready to take to the sitter. I had the pack-n-play, the high chair, the whole milk, the pacifier, the blankets, shoes, changes of clothes for everyone, the diapers, the wipes.... but I forgot to take the carseat out with Felicity. The sitter (who is a mother of 7) had no way to take her kids to school and kept her 12-year-old home from school with my kids so she could take hers to school. She was (as usual) so nice and cheerful about the situation, but I felt awful. The only consolation was seeing the photos of her family I took line her living room walls.

Felicity seems to have an ear infection about every week. She is constantly pulling and tugging at her ears. I need to take her in!

I overbooked myself next week and had no idea until tonight. I didn't even remember I have a wedding next week and agreed to watch a friend's kids from 8:30-2:30pm the same day I need to leave for Arches at 3:30pm. Oh man. And I don't want to say no because I really need to swap sitting.

Broadway Review is this week. It's been tons of fun practicing and I love the group of women doing it. I'm glad I did, even with the added stress. I miss the arts. I miss just doing something because it's fun and I like it that's not exercise. We are singing "Carrying the Banner" from Newsies. I wanted something entertaining and fun without the pressure to sound technically beautiful, but I think next year it would be fun to vary it up year to year.

In other news I won 1st place in the strider bike calendar contest for this photo of Hannah. It's not even a very good photo. There was a freezing wind and I didn't really stage the photo. I told her to ride about 10 feet, she did and I snapped it. So now I have $250 to buy two new Strider bikes.

I miss Brian. I miss him so much. I see other couples hug and I feel so empty. I see them talk to one another or laugh and I feel lonely. I miss his companionship and our friendship. He's the one person who gets filled in on everything and who is on my team cheering me on. I can't wait for our Charleston Rendezvous. I miss his presence. He's doing great at FLETC, though.

I'm so glad no one is staying from Airbnb tonight. I need the break and the slow non-stressful morning.

Maybe I'll make french toast. And let Liesel sleep in and take her to school. 

I really love my girls.