an education.

I feel really good lately. I don't know if I totally recharged in NC or if it's the weather, but I feel very content these days. I've been feeling really grateful for the Needles. Aside from the benefits and security of this job during the sequester, I feel grateful for the time it has given me with my family. No engagements at night, no commute to work and quiet nights. 

I have learned so much about being a mom here. I've learned to slow down and spend more time in quality interaction with my kids. I've learned that not being on-the-go is okay. Actually, more than okay. Often, it's the best thing. It has helped me be more resourceful with activities that stimulate them. I've learned that the best stimulation and what they want the most is time with me and/or Brian. 

 I've learned that a lot of junk in life doesn't matter and that I can still make meals with next to nothing (or at least when the fridge appears empty)-- and that I only need to plan a few meals a week and fill in the rest week with simpler meals. I've also learned that I can fudge a lot of recipes, leave out ingredients or sub new ones and it turns out fine. 

And that less is more when it comes to a lot of things. 

But that buying some things makes all the difference. Like a few pieces of nice furniture and pictures hung on the walls. It makes a home feel like home. And that's important. Especially if you're there all day long. 

I've learned that I like running. But I like it even more on a trail. 

I've started to see that my little children won't be little for very long. And as I've talked to other moms, you'll long for this time later. When their problems are easy to fix, their forgiveness quick and they actually want to spend all their time with you. I feel like I'm cherishing it a little more. 

These are things most moms learn naturally. But I think with my personality (I don't like missing out and I like to be on the go) it took moving somewhere like here to teach me to slow down and take it in. 

Although, check in with me during the winter when the road isn't plowed, I'm desperate for adult company during the day and I'm tired of beans and rice. I might be singing another tune. :)

Upper San Juan River (Bluff to Mexican Hat)

On the San Juan River with my fam// watching the sun set and the moon rise in the canyon

1/2 the Allreds, 1/2 the Hays' at the Petraglyph panel

Day One: juggling babies and toddlers on the boat// big cliffs and our one stop at the rock art

Liesel playing with Dad, or is is Dad playing with Liesel? Either way, these two kids love the river. 

Wearing our PFDs in waist deep water. We're getting older yet I still demand self portraits. 

Look at those faces! These kids were in heaven.

Our system: moms and babies up front//oarsman// papa and toddlers in back. Worked like a well oiled machine. 

our besties// our toddlers. Liesel's smile! Seeing this makes me want to wake her up and give her a squeeze.  

Hey, baby. Okay, that's not what I was thinking. But I look so relaxed! Scroll down a few for a more accurate version. 

Brian navigating one of the class II rapids on the river. Just enough to add a little thrill!

BIGHORN sightings! 8 sheep all together and two babies. Major wildlife score. 

We all took a dip through the narrows. Notice the two carseats upfront-- so necessary. 

SO this is more accurate. What happened to my limbs in that one photo? 

River family in action. Hannah crawling out of her carseat, me and Liesel and Brian pushing the boat off a rock.

A brief sprinkle of rain had us searching for the umbrella. Little did we know it would be the last time it would do it's job. See tiny Mexican Hat in the distance? I love that rock formation. 

See Liesel on the right and me in the background changing Hannah's diaper? It took these gals .3 seconds to fall asleep in the car. Liesel was actually snoring. 

When Brian comes home with that smile on his face, I can tell he's talked to Clay and they've got a plan. Last week, Brian told me there was a last-minute permit available on the San Juan and he snagged it for quick overnight trip down the river. Usually water flows this time of year are too low, but with all the rain recently it was just high enough to float. With that said, it was waist deep at the deepest and ankle deep at the shallowest point. I actually enjoyed that since it helped me relax with a baby on board.  

The next two days I spent getting food together and packing. I have always wanted to explore Bluff, Utah. I'm pretty sure that anyone who drives through it is like, What is this beautiful desert town and where are all the people?! It is incredible. It's also where the Hole in the Rock Mormon San Juan mission pioneers (LDS) settled on their trek. We woke up at 6am to drive to the river and start our adventure. As soon as we showed up we realized that our bag with all our diapers, wipes, kids' swimsuits, our camera and my sunglasses was left at home. No big deal. Only the most essential things for a RIVER trip. Thank goodness the Allreds had brought an extra boys swimsuit. 

Day 1 was great. We stopped once to check out an ancestral puebloan rock art panel, but mostly floated, dipped in the river and took in the scenery. By late afternoon we found the perfect campsite. A big flat beach with a zero entry for the kids. It was perfect. We all ran around like giddy toddlers. I think that is what I love most about being on the river. Occasionally (ok. . . . often) I long for that carefree feeling of summer, and when I'm on the river I feel that. The days are unstructured, our kids are contained, our bellies full and we're far away from everything (since I live so close to everything, it's essential to get away ya know). 

So we played. 

I also loved that after the kids went down, Brian and I got to lie out on the mat and look up at the sky. I love just talking to him. That's such a girl thing to say. 

Day 2 we paddled through a few class II rapids, swam the narrows of the canyon, saw multiple bighorn sheep and tried to rendezvous with Brian's dad near Mexican Hat rock (we ended up catching up with him at the boat ramp). Anyone with a baby who is considering going down the river should bring a carseat. That was totally the ticket. I love weekends like this! 

Sometimes my life (and I'm sure the life of many moms) feels a little like groundhog day. Trips like this are so golden; family, friends and the great outdoors. 

**Liesel just woke up crying from her nap. It hurt me! she said through sobs. What did? 

The car!

Did a car hit you in your dream?

Yeeeeessssss!

Her first bad dream! I was wondering when that would happen. Makes me want to hold her, but she rolled over and fell back asleep. ****

mud, water and rock.

At the Dugout Ranch. The girls know and love this place. 

I heard about 'the waterfall' right after I moved down to the Needles. I guess it's where everyone in Monticello would come and play during the summer. But with the massive drought we've seen in the area, Indian Creek was never flowing. This spring I wanted to go check it out and let the gals play, but the mountain run off never made it past the base of the hills. A few weeks ago on our drive home from church, it started to dump. Waterfalls were pouring off the rock cliffs and Indian Creek was totally flooded. We came down to the waterfall and sure enough, it was flash flooding like nobody's business. And amazing to watch. But obviously tons of water and debris doesn't lend itself to toddlers and babies. The next morning the flow was down to about 1/10th of the previous day. You can see the waterfalls pouring off the rock in the back the of the photo. 

I don't know if i've mentioned this before, but Liesel LOVES mud. I mean, she loves it. She would play in mud all. day. long. She wipes it all over her hands, legs, face, rocks, clothes. She paints with it. She does 'manicures' with it. She rolls in it. She makes prints in it with leaves and rocks and seeds we find. I also love mud, so when we find it, we're in business. And business was good here at Indian Creek waterfall: 

so long swimsuit. . . I think you used to be red. 

Hannah is no stranger to getting dirty either. She was having a blast playing. 

evidence of a good morning. 

The girls with Grandma at the Dugout Ranch

And bless our ranch getaway. I love that I can take the girls here each week. Or a few times a week. Liesel has renamed all the dogs. She talks about Molly almost every time we drive by and if you ask her what her favorite thing it, she'll inevitably say: pink horses. What does that have to do with the Dugout Ranch? I'm not sure, but they have horses. Maybe that's what I thought the connection was. 

And then there's Mill Creek: 

 One of the best kid hangouts in Moab. I haven't been there when it was hot enough outside to make the water bearable when we lived here before, but this was perfect. We played here with Heidi and Rylee for two hours. And I fell in love with Hannah in wearing my hat. 

 And just because I can't resist a Hannah eating a little Mexican food:

I love this stage where they can pick up anything and eat just about everything you do. Goodbye, blender. Pureeing gets old fast. 

I've been having a great time exploring our big world with my little girls. It's so neat to watch them discover and play and open this whole big, wide world up to them. I want them so badly to have it all, but sometimes having a little less is having it all. . . you know what I mean? I guess I've been worried about putting L in a class, or having her play with friends every day, or teaching her her letters-- but when it comes down to it, a child's play IS their work. They are learning by simply playing and exploring. And in so many ways, I am too. 

Life lately

       

       

Camping in the la salsx2, learning to share, conversations with babies, velvet-soft horsie noses, grumpy faces, eating rocks, unsuccessful stroller jogging, liesels monster costume and Hannah's terrified tears and lots of sky.

End of Hwy.

It's been a year since we moved to the Needles. 12 months. I was talking to Brian the other day telling him about how it really didn't seem that bad in the summertime. There are sandy spots, creeks to play in  (water?!?!), the Dugout Ranch . . .in other words, we can go outside and play. 

And then we went to town. And we hung out with friends and had a pizza dinner. We chilled on the lawn and went to an NPS softball game. Liesel ran around and climbed on playground equipment and followed 'older' girls around. I was chatting with other moms and Brian bro-ing down with other dudes. In other words, it felt like summertime. No schedule, no bedtimes, surrounded by people, ice-cream cones, bare feet, pickup softball games and pizza. 

We left feeling so happy. And then we drove up to the La Sals to camp for the night (to avoid 3hrs of driving since Brian had both Fri/Sat off last week). As we drove we hashed out how we were going to make it another year down here. The next day it felt so great to play as a family at the park, make a lion mask at story time, slide down the slides at the pool and eat a giant McDonalds ice cream cone. 

Down here I worry about our kids' development. I worry about the unmentionable what ifs. I worry about the winter. I'm tired of asking people for help all the time when I forget diapers, wipes, sunscreen . . . or when your afraid to nurse in the park b/c your toddler will run off and you'll be chasing her around while flashing everyone in sight, or when Liesel says she needs to go #2 and I know if I stop at a store/gas station I'll have to haul everyone in like a one-woman circus. So sometimes I ask for help and other times I let her poo on the side of the road. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't. But there are some things that slip through the cracks after you've buckled and unbuckled your kids 100 times, they've missed their naps and your toddler almost got run over by a car in the grocery store parking lot while you were unbuckling your other one and you were screaming and so was that old lady that saw it from the sidewalk. And then she needs to pee on the ride home so we stop and it wakes up Hannah and she screams for the last 45 minutes and Liesel screams at Hannah to stop screaming and you want to scream but instead you just look at those cliffs and count the cattle guards and calculate how much further until your home. 

So here we go. Into another year. 

There are so many things to be grateful for here. I know that. I feel obligated to say that since the grass is always greener. . . and there are a billion things to be grateful for. Does anyone else imagine what it would be like to be blind when they're feeling woe is me? Because it works. 

And there are things I love:

we get to see Brian a lot. He has zero commute and comes home for lunch. We make sure we're home everyday because we don't want to accidentally miss him. And that is wonderful. And he likes his job. What a blessing! And we have a job. And a home. Our rent is cheap and the duplex is actually really nice (although we're two for two right now on days with a dead mouse in the trap). It's easy to sleep (cold, dark and quiet). The trail running is amazing (13 miler last week and it was beautiful). And it's neat to hear Liesel point to the Squaw Butte and say: There's the Needle! We're home! And to think that Hannah has lived her entire life down here. 

But every once in a while I feel a little like moping. Not to be confused with mopping. Which I do once also. And I think one day I might want to remember what it was really like for me --
as a stay-at-home mom
at the end of a highway.

our neck of the woods

Sunday Stroll with Brian's mom. I so love this spot. 

My sweet Nah-Nah in a dry pothole.  

Where'd my lizard go? I can't find him!

Rigging for the Daily on the Colorado River with the Allred family. 

Our river rat in her massive PFD 

Allison and Castle Valley. 

Brian and Liesel swimming. Those pink sunglasses are now somewhere in the bottom of the Colorado. 

Just some photos from a few weekends ago when Allison was here visiting. Covered a lot of territory on/through those red rocks by foot, boat and vehicle. Grandma has now secured a spot in the gratitude portion of L's nightly prayers. :)

Mt. Peale Cirque, La Sal Mountains

The only way to get her to wear a hat is to cover her hands. 

our busy bodies at full speed-- bright and early. 

Our tents at the base of Mt. Peale. 

Grandma Hays holding Hannah in the sunrise// who knew the La Sals had more than just talus? I loved the cliffs!

One of the most amazing things about Moab is that it comes with two ways to escape the wicked summer heat (which I think has nothing on NC and their humidity): the River (& creeks) and the La Sal Mountains. 12,000ft peaks 40 mins from town? Wow. I felt like we were back at the Tetons all dressed in down and beanies and picking wildflowers. We camped in the Pt. Peale cirque. Brian had seen it while hiking the ridge line of the range a few weeks prior and knew he wanted to camp there. It was an incredible spot. And what an added bonus that Brian's mom, Grandma Hays, was here visiting? Liesel has been asking about her ever since. 

Liesel, let's not kiss worms ok? 

 Allison was so awesome to watch Liesel for an hour while Brian and I zipped up to the base of the cirque. It was so beautiful, so alpine and above treeline. I love being up high and this only made me crave more. 

Date! Yes! Hannah slept the whole time and I only carried our water. And Brian is so hunky. Saw lots of pica, an elk and a marmot. 

 We drove the rest of the loop over Geyser Pass, stopped at Dark Canyon lake, picnicked somewhere in the forest and listened to an endless commentary from Liesel in the backseat. Are we on a bumpy road? Are we hurting the flowers? I want my window up! I want my window down! I want my feet out the window like mommy. Mommy, put your feet down. Oh we get to eat lunch? I love crackers! Is dat grandma behind us?Oh, it's so beautiful! I see the clouds. . .