A somewhat merry christmas with bribery involved.

This was the best I could do today. I could hear Emily's voice echoing in my mind, "If I was wearing a bow like that Felicity, I'd be crying too." A bit excessive to have a dead raven hanging off the side of her head, but I figured if it was the only bow she was going to wear her whole life, it might as well make a statement. Even if that statement is "I don't want to be a flapper, mom."

But in other news, Hannah is smiling! That takes some doing. 

Felicity is too cute. And 9 months now.

Felicity is a bright spot in every day. I think about Felicity and I feel happy. How could I not? She is smiling or cheerful 95% of the every day. She is a little light. Everyone comments on her saggy chubby cheeks. Her grin is to DIE for. Wide, scrunchy-nose and so cute. Melts my heart. She is SO close to crawling and can sort of army crawl forward to get that little piece of paper/fuzz/hairball/sticker that is inevitably on every floor and therefore inevitably in her mouth 24/7. Daily I am amazed she is still alive and thriving despite the number of times I inadvertently knock her head on the door jam. She still wakes up twice at night because I'm a sucker and can't let her cry. She is officially 9 months old today. She loves it when I read her books and especially loves it when I say "roar!" She tries to roar back and is sometimes successful. She sounds like a little bobcat. She will go to anyone and is content playing and sitting on anyones lap. Also a sense of mom-guilt. Did I not hold her enough? Why isn't she more attached to me? But if  one of my girls doesn't go to someone else easily i think, "She's not adjusted! Is she afraid I won't come back? Did I not meet her needs?" Oh, mom guilt. So alive and thriving over here at 915 Rainbow Dr. Felicity also smells like throw-up. Like all day, every day. She is constantly throwing up (I can't call it spit up now that she eats solid food and it smells terrible). I can't keep up on laundry and I feel like she looks like a homeless baby. Yet another source of mom-guilt. Liam in Primary nicknamed her "Puddles" which is pretty accurate since she drools like a Bassett hound. The other day I literally poured out a 1/4c of drool-pool that had collected in her jacket fold. 

It's real, people.

what my life looks like most of the time. The kids spend SO much time in their "office" (my office has their office in it too). That is very Felicity. Rolling around chewing on one of the girls precious pictures. The girls haven't noticed. Thank goodness because every single one is "sooooo special to me!" and means serious retribution when it's found soaked in slobber and chewed to pieces. Sam is sitting at the table with Hannah taking a break from helping me fill up the vacuum bag with itty bitty pieces of paper. ;) 

Buddies. 

I have been saving the yucky candy from their Halloween candy bags for this very moment. Notice the trees they planted (the lolipops stuck in caramels or starbursts).

Hannah looked at me in the car on the way home from church today and said, "Mom! Dis is a berry berry dood (good) idea. We should eat ONE piece of tandy from our gingerbread house every day until Christmas! Isn't dat a dood idea?!"

Every single one of them came to the door at some point crying because they got pelted in the face with a snowball. I was watching from the window with Felicity and kept laughing. . . ;) 

But look at those innocent, sweet little faces. Love these pookies. 

Because I believe in excessive photos of my children.

 PARTY TIME! 

Liesel is 5. Here's what we did at her party on her actual birthday: 

Took oreos to preschool

Wore the new Anna dress (from Anna's birthday party in the Frozen Fever short video) 

played the doughnut-on-a-string game. 

Watched the "Liesel trailer" (the trailer to her 15 min video, but did not watch the video)

Opened presents

Scavenger Hunt for the stolen marshmallows (pictures on paper that show where the next clue is hidden. After 7 clues leading from dirty laundry, the mailbox, the chicken coop etc. they found the marshmallows in the oven.

Roasted said marshmallows.  

Went to our friend Chad's 40th birthday bash right after where the kids played their hearts out. 

It was a good birthday. 

I need more markers. Like 100x more markers. Does any one else feel like it's all their children do? I have to beg my kids to play with toys because I'm worried they aren't well rounded. 

Liesel 5-year old Story

This is so Liesel. Crazy hair, bare feet, holding Zinnia out in the garden. 

Snapshot of Liesel this year. Mom made this collage into a puzzle for Liesel. It has become a favorite Sunday afternoon pastime to put together Liesel's (and Hannah's-- she has one just like it) puzzles. 

Liesel LOVES to be silly. And this child LOVES the river. Just the other day she was lamenting that she missed river trips and said, "I think I like summer better than winter." I laughed and said, "you and 90% of American's." 

That grin on the left? I live for it. That cone on the left? She lives for it. // First road rash. And I thought it was so funny she smiled for the picture. That is soooo L. Always camera ready :)

First day of preschool (check out Hannah being a kitty at the bottom)// The girls after bath. They insist on these "robots" that someone gave to us

In October we did a 4 day river trip with the Allreds-- Owen had his b-day so we busted a piñata. // Owen, Liesel and Hannah swimming in potholes. 

One day LIesel and Owen called me downstairs to show me that they made me lunch-- a hot dog bun pb and strawberry sandwich and a homemade pickle. // Look at this picture! She looks like she could be 20!!

This child and sand. She lived in this baggy swimsuit with hearts. She LOVES hearts. // Painting

Dying easter eggs// holding Felicity. I love her feet. 

Had a movie night with the projector and screen checked out from the library. We watched Lion King. They were in heaven. // Beloved Aunt Lindsey in Liesel's wedding dress before I resized it for Halloween

Painting plein air with the girls during Moab's plein air art fest (we were at arches) 

Grand Canyon this past January

Labyrinth canyon 4 day (or 5 day?) river trip

San Juan Mountains, CO-- American Basin. I love braiding flower crowns. 

My adventurous little girl. 

That smile is so genuine and often on the river// Liesel in her wedding dress costume. It's bustled here. 

we still talk about these guys almost daily. miss them like crazy. 

FHE birthday party for Liesel

New Anna dress from Frozen Fever and Hannah in her Elsa jammies. 

I still feel SOOOO guilty about not making her a cake. A store bought pie. I guess that's what happens when your b-day party is right after thanksgiving. 

See that cat? Liesel requested an electronic cat for her bday. haha!

It's always daunting for me to do a birthday write-up of one of my children. How do I articulate their personality? Remember the funny things they said or the sweet moments where my heart melted? It's impossible, but I'll try anyway. 

Liesel turned five November 30th. FIVE, people. She already seems more coordinated and intelligent.  At her FHE birthday, everyone went around and shared what they love about Liesel: her wide smile-- the one when she's really really happy, her thoughtfulness, her humor. Brian said that he loves Liesel because he knows that in her very core, she is a GOOD girl. She wants to be good. That is so true. She is a good girl. She feels the Spirit and wants to follow Jesus. I'm serious. She reminds me often. That's not to say she's angelic most of the time because she's totally not. She is a little manipulative, sneaky and can rage like nobody's business-- but she is also very good and wants to be good. Her prayers are very genuine and I love to hear them. 

I blubbered through all of mine. The tears flowed right away and Liesel ran up to give me a hug. But L has been my little buddy for so long. The person I would talk to for hours at the Needles and the one who would make me laugh day after day in the Tetons. I love her so much it hurts. 

Liesel is. . . 

Adventurous. She loves to climb, jump off stuff, swim and explore. She will usually try something that other's won't. She wanted to jump off the highest dive today at the pool (it's 10 feet) but right when she got to the edge the Lifeguard blew his whistle and sent her back down. She isn't always brave, but she prides herself on being bold. Socially she's less courageous, but when it comes to outdoor stuff, she doesn't like to be one-upped. 

Thoughtful and kind. She is always making little cards for people. Like, ALL. THE. TIME. This morning I woke up to a card of flowers in my favorite color (yellow) from Liesel right on the edge of my bed. I frequently hear her talking so kindly to Hannah and Sam that I just stop and listen. Usually when she looses it in anger it's for a good reason. In her prayers she'll often think of something or someone that I totally forgot. She is amazing with her chickens. The other day I mentioned that one of the chickens was missing feathers and she said, "Yeah, it's on Midnight's belly. He's been like that for a long time." That happens frequently. She knows those little hens. 

Competitive. She likes to be first. Like, a lot. We haven't tried any sports yet (except for one day of t-ball), but I'm curious how she would do. Sometimes if she's not the best at something she wants to give up, but now that she's getting older she's in better control of that. The other day she came home from preschool and announced she wanted to learn Spanish so that she could learn that before Owen since he already knew how to read first. haha! 

Strong. I love tickling her just to feel her strong little body. She has better abs than I do (but that's really not saying much). 

Artistic. She loves to draw and every single day she spends a good chunk of it coloring with markers. She loves making hearts, gardens, our family, birds, christmas trees and ALWAYS her name on it. In multiple places. Or she writes Mom or Dad on all of them. She's pretty darn good too. I love it when she draws herself and hannah playing together. I save all of those. I bought about 6 packs of markers in August and we only have about 1/4 of them. Poor Hannah can't snap the caps on all the way and inevitably many dry out. I moved their art table and chalk board easel into the office room so they could have it permanently set up. 

Nature-lover. She is so happy outside. Most kids are, really. Her love for the river is real. Every time we were on the river this summer she would talk about how she didn't want to go home. She loves to play in the sand for hours, to dig and imagine. She loves to hear story after story while we float on the boat. She loves to sleep in her sleeping bag and eat camp food. She loves finding little paths and will often request a hike. She will wander outside "planting trees' (sticks in the sand) or making graves. Wish I was better about teaching her bird, plant and animal names. 

Her current loves:

Friends: Owen and Ava are her best friends right now. Ava is a great match for her. She's vivacious and energetic. She and Liesel have great energy together and I love having her over. Owen and Liesel are already noticing the separation of boys and girls, but are still great little buddies. This year they invented two games: Snow-Raven (based off of a story I told her about a princess from a mountain with that name) and The Shelly Game (where hannah is shelly and I think some of them are cats?)

Food: She loves hamburgers and gets really excited when we have them. The other night we were going to take the whole family out for burgers. We hardly ever do this, but decided it was a good night for it. Well, Liesel didn't put on her shoes and then lied to me and told me she didn't know where they were when she actually hid them because she wanted me to find her other ones. We called off the dinner because it was the third lie she had told me that day. She was devastated but I was glad I stuck my guns. Needless to say, the lesson stuck. She also loves pizza, all things sugar (but not really chocolate that much) cold cereal and oatmeal. 

Clothing; Anything with hearts. And leggings/ stretch pants. Which get holes in about 5 minutes. She will only wear jeans when we hike (because I insist.. . the way she slides down sandstone!). She says her favorite color is teal now. 

Activities: drawing, swimming, playing make-believe with Hannah, getting tickled, attention from mom and dad, wrestling with dad before bedtime, Wild Kratts TV show, animals, Christmas, building trains with bridges, singing, her new animal encyclopedia, riding at the BMX park and playing outside. 

Doesn't like: meeting strangers, when she can't figure something out quickly, "boy colors," jeans, rice and beans, when I say I'm too busy, jobs and bananas. 

Liesel and I have been working on learning to read together. She is sounding out words and today read "me", "rat", "sam", "am", "eat", "rat", "ram" and "sat." I love seeing the look on her face when she figures it out. We are working on handwriting and her lowercase "m's" and "s's" are getting much better. 

Love my eldest baby and my guinea pig in parenting. 

stream of conscienceless-- don't bother reading. Brian is gone and I'm still not in bed.

Yesterday was great. Brian and I decided to scrap our original Christmas vacation and instead go to Mexico. We drove around and looked at property and made big plans (dreams really) for another house in the future. After the kids went down we had a date starring up at the stars in our sleeping bag. We spent the next 4 hours talking and reminiscing about our life the past 8 years. 

Thursday Brian was in charge of the Law Enforcement party for all of the rangers at Arches and Canyonlands. He changed the venue and it was classy, christmasy and a great success. Way better than past years. I felt really proud of him as he directed and MCed the evening. 

Friday he was invited to the SAR dinner at Red Cliffs Lodge. We got a sitter and headed out for the event. It was done so well. The entire sheriff's department was there hosting the event-- every single one in a cowboy hat. Total good ol' boys, but in the best way possible. We were able to mingle with so many of the county Search and Rescue folks as well as the deputies from the sheriff's department. I left feeling really proud of Brian. So many people came up and said how skilled he is and how much they appreciate his contributions to the SAR. He works hard in this community. It also made me feel proud that he is law enforcement. There is definitely risk involved and the schedule is pretty selfless. He rarely has a holiday off (Christmas will be the first holiday this entire year), he has worked Saturday's nearly his entire career and he gets called out during the spring/summer/fall so often.

This year he has been running the show up there and did a fabulous job. One of the rangers told him that he had never had a supervisor that was both completely squared away and cared about his employees so much. 

Monday and Wednesday he watched the kids from sun-up to sun-down so I could work on my website all. day. long. Sheesh, that is a black hole.

Been feeling sort of down on myself lately. I feel like I have an abnormal amount of weaknesses that I do a terrible job of hiding from others. I do weird things. More weird things than the average person. 

AHP- The BIZ

Me shooting a wedding last summer at Dead Horse Point

Shooting the same wedding getting the shot below:

Shooting the same wedding last summer. . .they had biked from Colorado into Moab to get married and while they were on the trail, they met the photographer that was photographing me. Kind of strange. 

shooting a family session at Wilson Arch. Getting the shot below:

Shooting another family session at Wilson Arch-- going for the portrait shot. I'm wearing gum boots because I was bit by a snake the day before at a photo session and I was paranoid.

Going for the portrait shot shown below: 

The family waiting while I set up the shot. Here is the shot below:

I thought Angela Hays Photography warranted a post. I have spent 3-5 evenings a week and most of my free time working on the business this year. It has been very consistent from March-until now (December) and I am definitely looking forward to the winter lull for the next few months or so.

The idea entered my head after Brian and I were married. I really felt like it was something I could do and be good at. Wedding photography is high-stress and working as a journalist in high school and university taught me that I work well under pressure and with deadlines. I like art and people and I felt like I could figure it out. I told this to Brian, who initially blew off the idea because I had absolutely NO photography experience. Finally we got around to purchasing a Nikon D90. I shot three sessions (2 weddings and 1 newborn shoot). All in auto mode. After doing these for a small fee, Brian convinced me that I needed the best equipment out there if for no other reason than to appear professional to clients. We upgraded to a Canon 5D mark II.

I shot a few things for free or super dee duper cheap for people to build a portfolio. When we launched my mediocre website, we weren't really sure what to expect. But people called. And I booked more. And after not too long, I had a business.

What I've learned:

*I like being my own boss. This isn't too surprising. When I was a ranger at ISKY, my boss told me my personality didn't combine with a bureaucratic agency when I created a children's trail guide during my project time. I unknowingly didn't go through the proper chain of command. I like that when I work for myself, the more effectively I use my time, the faster I work and the more efficient I am, the more money I'm making. I like that I can be creative and that the only chain of command is me.

*Our weaknesses can be our strengths. Sometimes my impulsive nature and overconfidence gets on my nerves, so I'm sure it bugs others. But those same characteristics are what got me started in the first place. I remember telling Brian at the Island in the Sky that I could be a wedding photographer. I could figure it out. He kind of laughed it off at the time, but eventually got on board. On my mission, a lot of elders and sisters struggled with the language because you have to mess up a lot before you get better. I didn't care if I messed up-- and spoke it constantly. That meant I sounded like a three-year-old and I embarrassed myself constantly (my comp told me once that I had no shame). But I learned it. And that kind of applies here. I wasn't afraid to fail. And I did. And I do every. single. shoot. I am always messing up. I've never had a perfect shoot (shhh. Don't tell). I'll pose them funny, or I'll shoot too far in the shade or I'll mess up a shot or I'll pick the wrong time of day etc. But I am getting better and I mess up less.

*There's serious truth in "fake it till you make it."

*I have learned a lot. It has taken two years of youtube videos, trial and error and hours and hours to figure out how to use my camera, Lightroom editing software and Photoshop. How to design a logo, the contract and legal documents and design my own usage license, packaging and USB drive. I have spent hours and hours working on my website and blog. I've researched pricing, paid or business guides and spent hours researching poses and developing my own mental list of must-get shots for weddings and families. In the field I have learned where to shoot, what to do with light and which lenses I should use for what settings, light and poses. I have paid a lot of money maintaining my equipment (turns out 1 sand grain costs around $500 to remove-- and I've had that twice!), purchasing packaging and buying lenses and camera bodies.

* I care about these people. It's not just something I say because it sells. I'm totally serious. It feels really intrusive to show up on someones wedding day and tell them what to do, watch them cry as they share their vows, meet all of the people they care most about. Or families-- I meet their kids and often their parents or others who are there. I find out about their jobs and why they love Moab. After connecting with them like this, I really want them to like their photos and it makes me try harder to do my best.

* That Brian is the best right-hand man there is. He is supportive, smart and way more on top of things than I am. He a great accountant. ;)

* That working and being a mom is hard. Moab is expensive and the jobs here don't pay a ton. Just about every mom I know works in some way to try and bring in extra money. But it gets crazy. I may have called Brian at one point in early August or July when I was swamped and feeling insane. He calmed me down and took the next day off so I could work. Sometimes it bugs that so much of my free time goes to editing and working on the business, but I would probably be wasting my time on Netflix anyway.

I guess that's it. Just a few things I want to remember.